Always Be Nice and Once Again I'm Inspired by Oprah (Bonus: The Day I Met Oprah!)

Always be nice. Always get back to people. Always be gracious. Even with sales people.

That's not actually the inspiration I got from Oprah this morning. BUT, I'm having a hard couple of days and a THF client-turned pal told me I should watch the "Living Brave" interview with Oprah. 

Believe it or not, this was only the second time in my life I watched anything Oprah-related. The first time was in the 1990's when I was, living in Chicago (where I grew up). For some reason I was home from work for the day and I turned on Oprah's show. I'm not even sure why I did that since I've always hated daytime television, but I did and she was starting a new walking program. I was so inspired by the end of the show that I decided to go to the walking path on Lake Michigan for a long walk. It may have been springtime and I had a lovely long walk. It was a weekday so there weren't many people out there but suddenly I saw a whole group of people walking on the path toward me. I kept moving toward them and then started seeing cameras and people running around and then I saw her. In the middle of everyone, there was Oprah walking on the path right toward me. Then the most unbelievable thing happened. I spontaneously exclaimed as I passed her that I was out there because I saw her show that morning. And then she hugged me. The cameras were rolling and I was amazed. I was amazed at her spirit and graciousness. I was amazed that she stopped and listened to the crazy lady on the path. I was amazed that the only day I ever heard her talk was the day I met her. I was amazed that she truly seemed to care and that she gave me a hug. I suppose I should have watched her show the next day to see if they aired our Lake Michigan hug, but I had to go to work and then I guess I kind of let it slip and I got on with my life. Every once in a while I remember that I had that brief amazing experience and it fills me with joy.

When my friend told me to watch the "Living Brave" clip, I wasn't feeling as down as I was feeling yesterday and today so I may have let it slip again, but I'm trying so hard right now to not throw in the towel on The Healing Farm business. I'm trying so hard to be brave and "choose the right path". So instead of working the last two days (and trying not to feel guilty about it), I've taken the time to treat myself to some introspection time. I picked up and started reading a book that I recommended to other people called "Hidden Blessings". When I bought the book, it was after my last multi-day women's retreat. A dear friend had posted it on Facebook and I decided it was something I needed to read since it was about midlife crisis and that's precisely what I've been experiencing for the past ten years (yes, ten years). Even though it completely resonated with me, I put it down after reading the first part because I knew I wanted to do the exercises in the book, but I didn't have the time. So in my despair yesterday, on a rainy, gloomy day, I decided NOT to do the daunting bookkeeping that I need to do and I got cozy in the living room while my husband sat working on his hopes and dreams on the other couch (he's writing his first screenplay) and I started reading. And I started writing and I started to feel ok about letting the next planned retreat go. I started thinking that it would be ok if I disappointed some people right now. Even myself. Because maybe my current approach to the path to The Healing Farm is not the path I'm supposed to be on. Yes, as the day turned into evening, there was some panic that crept into my thoughts and heart. I realized I had to let the women who signed up for my retreat know that I was not going to move forward. That I had to let my team know and - perhaps the biggest hurdle - I had to announce what I was viewing as a colossal failure in my next newsletter, but I decided not to let those feelings overwhelm and derail me. I had my little Wednesday night bed party with my husband. Had amazing sex, had a good sleep, had a good cry this morning as I woke, prayed, meditated. And then I watched the Oprah clip.

Brene Brown asked Oprah about failure and Oprah talked about starting her network. She was listening to other people and not completely following her heart and something about the network was failing. It made me realize that even someone with more success than most people could even imagine - with more money and influence than most people could ever imagine - FEELS SOMETIMES LIKE SHE'S FAILING. She decided to start listening to herself again and it became a success. I cried again. I guess Oprah is probably known to make people cry.

After I watched that clip I wanted more Oprah so I finally watched her now-famous Golden Globes speech - and I cried again. It reminded me that when I marched at the first women's march, I held a sign I made that morning that read "Women will transform the world".

All women great and small will change the world and I want to be one of them. I want to grow The Healing Farm property to change the future of healthcare. To change the world in my small way - or big way. Somehow I need to make it happen. Something keeps pushing me in that direction. I'm sacred to death. I afraid of failure. I'm afraid of debt, I'm afraid of my own pride ruining me - but somehow I've got to push on. It may not be in the direction I wrote in my recently completed THF business plan, but somehow I'm going to make it happen.

I want to build a place where average people can heal. Where average people can feel comfortable. Where average people can afford to experience peace and joy and escape and introspection and true healing. If I won the lottery that's what I would do. But I'm probably not going to win the lottery so I have to make it happen some other way. I have to get my unprofessionally written business plan out there and be ok with feeling like I don't have what it takes and that "real" business people may think I'm a bumbling dreamer fool. I have to continue to follow that river - bend by bend until I somehow get there. It may not end up being The Healing Farm. Or I may end up supporting someone else who is more capable of putting the pieces in place, but step by step, somehow it will happen.

Oprah and Brene mentioned intention. Oprah said that when she was making "The Color Purple" she said to herself "One day I really hope I have enough money to have a home with beautiful things in a beautiful surrounding that matches my beautiful spirit". I hope something similar for Brennan and I and I hope with all of my being that it's The Healing Farm and I want to share that vision with the masses.

What inspired me to write this blog post ultimately was that I answered a sales email today. I also scheduled a coffee with someone who has a business that I'm not sure I fully support, but she's been persistent in wanting to get together with me, so I feel like I should get together with her. Who knows where the conversation will lead. I realized that I'm a nice person. I do have good boundaries most of the time, but I also respect that everyone is pursuing some kind of dream and that everyone (within reason) deserves a nice and respectful response if they are being nice and respectful. I'm distressed these days at the number of non-responses I get - even by friends. Everyone is so busy these days that somehow it's become ok to not respond. I'm sure I've let some things slip through the cracks, but I always try to respond and I'm always nice. It's who I am at my core and it's important to me. I do believe that quality in me - that has great respect for all human beings - is a piece of the puzzle that will help me grow and realize my dreams in whatever form they may take and that makes me feel proud of who I am.

I am The Healing Farm. I will cultivate practical wellness.

Favorite Things, Procrastination and Finishing the Business Plan With Said "Favorite Things"

Writing a Business Plan, About Entrepreneurship and Getting Inspired, Starting and Growing a "Conscious Company"

Saline Valley, California in my favorite second-hand cashmere sweater

Today I'm "finishing" The Healing Farm's business plan - or at least the first real version of it. And I'm procrastinating. Technically I'm waiting for Dannie to get back to me with her edited/finessed/proofread and formatted version for me to review. Then I plan on finishing any writing that still needs to be written (like maybe the whole executive summary if she decided it was too much for me to ask her to write based on my ramblings within the full business plan text). Despite the fact that I'm telling myself I can wait to get her edits back, I could be doing a final review of my financials, formatting the financial statements to work for printing and I'm sure a whole lot of other things that I'm going to freak out about later, but when I was in the shower this morning, which was one part of my carefully planned last day of writing, I was inspired to write in this blog. For several reasons. First, my carefully planned last day of writing was supposed to go like this:

After two divine days off from writing while Dannie works to make sense of my business plan ramblings and format into a legible and hopefully lovely read, I needed to prepare myself for the final push. My divine days off consisted of driving four hours round trip on Friday with a THF client and friend to see another THF client and friend who has been suffering with a major illness since the last retreat. We drove to the Sierra foothills and as I watched her sheep and lambs frolic around the rain dappled pond, I fantasized once again about The Healing Farm property being located in the Sierra Foothills. John Muir once called a property he worked on in the Sierra foothills "The most beautiful place on earth". Well, I don't know if that's exactly what he called it, but I'm trying to get to writing the business plan, so I'm not taking the time to look it up in "Meditations of John Muir" by Chris Highland (a book that was given to us by my in-laws on our wedding day in Yosemite Valley and that is kept by my beside for inspiration when it's most needed). Friday night I cooked a lovely healthy dinner and Brennan and I watched a movie.

Saturday morning was spent hiking with a dear friend with whom I connected at my very first business class in the UC Berkeley Extension program. We randomly paired up during an exercise in the first class and as I listened to her describe her desire to build a business around natural healing, I felt a serendipitous connection. She's a project manager and I hope someday will manage the construction of The Healing Farm, but in the meantime, we're both navigating the space between our dreams and our reality and trying to encourage each other along the way. She was kind enough to read the first draft of my almost complete business plan and wrote me an immediate email saying she was "speechless". This is a direct quote because I will never forget that someone was speechless by what I had written. It was some incredibly needed encouragement. I'm really not sure why on our hike, she mentioned my "Birthing a Business" blog, but she encouraged me to continue to write it which is probably why I was inspired this morning in the shower to open it up (after what I can't believe is over a year) and write. Maybe someday my Birthing a Business blog will miraculously finance The Healing Farm since it's highly unlikely it will be financed by my fantasized (and recently prayed for) winning of a multi-million dollar mega-million lottery jackpot.

Saturday afternoon I couldn't believe I had the energy to do a little cleaning around the house (maybe it had to to do with the two gigantic black iced teas I had at Chipoltle after the hike), but I knew that my carefully planned Sunday writing day would surely be thwarted if the toilet remained in its current state of growing mildew and the splatter on the ceiling of the kitchen leftover from a holiday dinner I cooked for my husband's family three weeks ago remained (my husband calls me "Hurricane Julie" when I cook and himself "FEMA" when he cleans up after me). So I put on headphones and tidied up the house, washed the sheets and heated up healthy leftovers for dinner preparing for the much anticipated and always planned (and fun) Saturday night party with my husband. Not much energy for dancing at last night's Saturday night party, but good music, a little edible and some other tools led to the inevitable mind-blowing sex which led to watching a documentary on our mind-blowing universe, which led to some deep and relaxed sleep. It's no wonder I feel like I'm on fire today with creative energy.

I should clarify that I NEVER work on Sundays (unless I photograph a Sunday wedding which is rare) and always try to take two days in a row off (which is another reason I gave myself Friday and Saturday off). Time off is incredibly important to me and while I was thinking about what I was going to write in this blog post while in the shower this morning, I realized I would likely NEVER be consistent with this blog, with The Healing Farm blog, with my Instagram account and with Facebook and I may never get to Twitter with hopes that maybe it will be on it's way out before I finally get to it and then I can just abandon it right away.

The reason I say this is because by now, I know myself and I know I don't want social media to take over my precious life. It's hard enough to be typing on a Sunday. I guess it's why I'm still struggling to get my dream of The Healing Farm off the ground. I don't want to work 15 hours a day six or seven days a week. Will that make it impossible to get this business to where I want it to go? Maybe. It's one of the reasons I'm inspired to write this blog: let's see if she can actually pull this off with nothing but a Fine Arts degree and almost no experience in property development, healing or the hospitality industries! It's also probably one of the reasons I pray to win the lottery. This dream is NOT going away. Sometimes I wish it would. Sometimes (as I frequently say) I just want to be the bartender on the Amtrak train (life would be a lot easier that way). It would make starting The Healing Farm so easy if I won the Mega-million lottery. Then I could just put my plan into action, right? But I know I need to build up the perseverance to make this dream a reality and not winning the lottery is probably better for me in the long run.

Of course that doesn't mean I'll still pray sometimes to win the big jackpot - or to find some dear Angel Investor who will help me realize my vision. Writing all this is risky, I know. Many may see red flags. She's a dreamer. She's delusional. She's not willing to do the real work. I don't know if that's so true, otherwise I would be on a hike right now or spending a dreamy winter afternoon in bed with my husband. BUT, as I mentioned before, this dream will not leave me alone. It seeps into every thought. Into every future plan. So I need to see where it goes and the business plan is my final Hail Mary pass. I want to spread my vision around. I want to send it to all those influential people who I've listed and bookmarked and dog-eared in my "Conscious Company" magazine and whom I presume are "better" than me because they run foundations or have two or three successful business behind them or have huge followings in their field of expertise (hospitality, general business or health and healing). I'm writing it to see if:

• I can find a "sponsor" or "influencer" to back me either financially or through promotion (putting their stamp of approval on The Healing Farm property) to their followers
• I can get advice on how to move forward
• I can get a grant or a loan or financing or advice on the best course to get it financed (should I go the non-profit route since profit is not my main motivator?)
• I can find someone who can help me refine the vision
• I can find someone who has a gorgeous large property they want to lease or donate to house The Healing Farm
• The Healing Farm business plan is a way for me to express my vision in any of it's future iterations to gain momentum for something I desire not just for myself, but for the future of healthcare. For healing for the masses. Not just the wealthy class. How can we build this property, it's franchises or pop-up retreats across the country and work to make it affordable to all?

So as I finish up this blog post, I'm looking forward to looking in my email to see if Dannie has gotten back to me. I've done my prep-work to make this writing day as pleasant as possible:

• Read the Sunday New York Times in bed with really yummy strong black coffee (with a little coconut oil)
• Had my two free range eggs over easy on sauteed bitter greens
• Had my hot and inspirational shower
• Wrote this blog post
• Put on a favorite pair of underwear
• Put on my other favorite things: leggings with a wide waistband so they don't crimp my middle-aged middle, thick cashmere sweater (bought second hand and worn to death - even in the far reaches of hippiedom - Saline Valley pictured above), smart wool socks and slippers and lip balm
• And a sweet writer-husband that agreed he would spend the afternoon writing too so we can spend this Sunday afternoon together cozy in our Oakland living room typing away as we both try to realize our big dreams. He made me some of his organic earl grey loose-leaf tea which he uses to get a little buzzed to write his screen play.

Feel free to reach out if anyone actually reads this. Tell me if you want to read The Healing Farm business plan and be a part of this great "Birthing a Business" experiment. Don't expect me to write regularly or often, but do expect that I'll write when inspired. I will be transparent, vulnerable and frank about my dreams and struggles. Baring myself for all to see if I can actually pull off this audacious dream. It's not for me. It's not for my husband (although I think living on The Healing Farm would suit us both). It's for the future of healthcare and healing for the masses. It's a big dream and it may take a village - and it may never happen - but let's just see about that. 

If you want to read about why I started this blog, go to the Birthing a Business About page. And if you want to read about The Healing Farm concept, please go to The Healing Farm about page and thanks for reading! Stay tuned with this wild and wonderful and at times bumpy and really scary journey!